


Sentiment is Just a Chemical Defect

by blanketbun



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Beau is there for like 3 seconds at the end, Caleb is a mess and repressing feelings, F/M, Fuck beta reading, I am not a writer just v soft for these baffoons, Jester is curious and also slowly falling, sorry Beau fuckers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:06:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22920703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blanketbun/pseuds/blanketbun
Summary: Jester has questions on First Kisses she thinks her very good friend can help her out. Her friend is busy reading though so whatever shall she do.---This is the first fic I have posted since like 2013 and I am no writer so please be kind. Also if y'all like I have some other stuff of them and some TeaHaw that I can post so ya know..... (Also I don't write, you think I know how to make a title? No. Title is from Sherlock lol)
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 4
Kudos: 54





	Sentiment is Just a Chemical Defect

**Author's Note:**

> Before this starts I should probably say that this was written like a year or so ago and I have been tossing with the idea of posting this so it is a little bit of a mess.  
> I also do not speak a lick of German so if any German critters want to help out a dumb American, I would be forever in your debt. I literally just used Google Translate for the words so hnnng.  
> Also kinda sad we didn't get another [redacted] scene with them. I want them to [spoliers bitch] again so so bad. It's so rude of them to not.

“Caleb, what is it like to kiss someone?” Jester had been sitting in his room for the past 30 minutes just playing with the slowly fraying hem of her cloak. Not that Caleb had been watching her or paying attention, he had been focused on his book.

“Uh, Jester that really isn’t a question for me to answer maybe Nott or Be-” Caleb said looking over at the chair she had put herself in. Her legs were over the arm of it and her sketchbook sat in her lap, closed but just sitting there. The pencil pouch that he had bought for her back in Nidodranas, just to remind her of home sat with it, untouched since she plopped down. Seeing her like this, he forgets what he was going to say.

“I have already asked them and you have had a girlfriend right?” Jester’s eyes met his and Caleb just looked away, his cheeks becoming slightly warm.

“Ja, I mean a very long time ago and I don’t think that me-” he dismisses.

“But you know what it is supposed to feel like right?” She is incredibly insistent for someone who has kiss the person she likes. Caleb raises his eyebrows.

“Wait what-what do you mean?” eyebrows pulling together and looking up at her again.

“When you like someone and you kiss them.”

“Oh, ja I think so?” He looks back at his book, attempting to read something about a woman and her love interest sitting in a field and enjoying a picnic.

A beat passes.

“So?”

“So what?”

“What does it feel like Caleb?”

He sighs, “It feels like every bit of you is on fire. Your skin is burning where they are touching you. Your heart races in your chest. They are melting your brain right out of your head.” He closes his book and looks down at his hands. He can still remember Astrid, a now fading memory but he still can remember her face and her smile when he would pull away. His heart constricts, but only just a bit.

“What if you kiss someone and it doesn’t feel like that?”

“Jester, what is this about?” Very insistent. Caleb raises his head to look at the blue tiefling.

“Nothing!”  _ Be careful der Schatz _ he thinks. It was far too fast of an answer. “I am just curious...” Her voice fades off and she is looking down at her pouch. It's turquoise with a ribbon that Beau had tied on and a set of small beads that had been made by Nott.

“Well, you are sweet on someone who you have kissed what did it feel like?” Caleb attempting to understand what was going through her head.

“What?” Jester’s head shoots up and looks at him. A confused look is painted on her face.

“Fjord kissed you. What did that feel like?”

“Like not dying,” she says, disappointed.

“I mean that is a good thing, right?” Caleb says off-handedly reading the same line over in his book.  _ Her raven hair shone in the afternoon sun, it was almost distracting how she was sitting. She looked- _

“It just felt cold and didn’t make my stomach get all funny or even change anything like it does in books or in plays or anything like that.” Looking up from the book Caleb notices that she has shifted from picking out a fraying hem to smoothing out wrinkles in her skirt.

“It feels different for everyone, maybe you were just distracted with not dying that you didn’t get to properly experience it.” Back to the book. Focus on the book.

“Maybe...” her voice trails off and she seems distracted as if trying to play out another kiss with him. Caleb looks up again, she is no good to have in this room with him, far too distracting. Her nose is scrunched and she is unfocused on the window. It is terribly endearing.

“You could always try again with him. If you are confused,” Caleb suggests after a moment of silence. “Or if you want to really know if it is always going to feel like that...”

“But that's the thing, I don’t really want to.” Jester picks at her nails. It's a terrible habit she has picked-up from Beau.

“Oh...”  _ Oh, blueberry. _

“Is that bad? I am supposed to like him but- I don’t know, it just feels... funny” He isn’t going to be able to read any more of this book right now at the rate this is going. He closes it and puts it on his lap, just watching the blue tiefling in front of him. “It has felt weird for a while, almost like my brain is telling me one thing and my heart is telling me another...”

He lets a moment pass, thinking about his answer. “It doesn’t make you wrong Jester.” He knows it doesn’t.

“Are you sure?” Meeting her gaze makes his heart constrict. His face warming under her unsure gaze.

“Yes, maybe you like someone else and you thought you liked Fjord. Have you tried to kiss anyone else?” Reckless action.  _ Stay on task. Don’t get too close and help _ her _. Not yourself. _

“No...” She looks down thinking. “- but it is just because I think he likes me and I don’t want to make it more difficult.” 

“Jester, people grow and move on, just like you are.” Caleb picks up his book again and flips it open. He can hear her shifting in her chair again.

“Maybe I should just line everyone up and kiss them and see how it makes me feel,” Jester says a small laugh escapes her lips.

“Maybe...”  _ Reckless. Don’t get too close. _

“Caleb do you like somebody?” Jester asks cocking her head to one side and a small smile is playing on her lips. 

“This is not about me blueberry.” His can feel his ears start to warm, his cheeks still prickling with warmth from earlier.

“Caleb... Do you like Beau?” He doesn’t need to look at her to know she has a wicked smile on her face. He rolls his eyes looking down at his book.

“Jes-” He glances over to the chair only to see her standing.

“Yasha?” When did she get up from the chair? 

“Jester-” She is walking closer to the edge of his bed.

“...Nott?”  _ Gods.  _

“ _ Bitte _ , just can we-”  _ She is relentless. _

“Me?” Caleb looks up at her, she has a flicker of mischief in her eyes. Her lips are pulled into an awful smile.

“W-we are talking about your confusion with your feelings.” He looks down at his book. He can smell the lavender on her. She is standing at the foot of the bed.

“Yes, but it will take longer than conversation for me to figure that out...” She responds, her voice is light. “You still haven’t answered my question.” He doesn't need to look up from his book to see her grin get bigger.

“Jester, it isn’t important.” Caleb sighs.

“It's me isn’t it?” She isn’t looking him in the eyes, a faint shade of blue dust her cheeks, nose, and ears. It makes the lighter freckles stand out even more. 

Caleb looks up from his book and just watches her. She shifts her weight from left to right looking anywhere but his eyes. Then she takes a deep breath, breaking the silence and meets his gaze.

“Blueberry-” His eyes shoot down, his face is on fire.

“Your face is so red, Caleb.” She is stepping closer to the side of his bed. “ Are you burning up?”

All embarrassment and uncertainty have left her voice, her lips are pulled into a smile. Caleb attempts to shift away. Scooting on the other side of the bed.

“I would really not like-”  _ Keep your distance. _

“Come on Caleb I won’t tell anyone” She is reaching out for him, he pulls away.

“Damn it, Jester! Just...”  _ So fucking insistent.  _ Jester’s hands pull back almost as if she had been burned. “... just leave it alone, please.”

“Okay.” She turns and walks to the door, her hand is on the handle.

“Wait. Jester,”  _ Do not get too close. _ “ I’m sorry for snapping.” 

“I was pushing for information that you aren’t ready to share, it's all good, stinky.” Her hand falls away from the handle and she turns back to him a smile playing on her lips.

“I am not stinky.” The left side of his mouth tugs up without his permission. She waltzes over to the edge of his bed.

“I know,” She flopped down on the bed. And just like that any bad feelings that Jester might have had, are gone. Her hair is a mess of blue just underneath his pillow. She sits up and her fingers find the fabric she had been worrying for the past 40 minutes. “You actually smell very nice”

Caleb doesn’t respond, unable to form words with the smell of lavender filling his mouth and nose. He just stares at his book, not reading, just keeping his eyes down.

“You are getting red again” Jester pokes his cheek and it is his turn to feel as if he has been burned. His arms start to ich and he remembers where he is. 

“Can I please read my book in peace?” He looks up at her, his eyebrows raised and the uneasiness from earlier fading away, even just for a moment.

“No, because I don’t have anything to do if I leave you alone.” Jester’s smile widens and she scoots a bit closer.

“You could find Mr. Clay and teach him how to read?” Caleb says rolling his eyes and looking away from the beautiful woman sitting next to him.

“Hmm, maybe.” She has now sat forward and is looking back at him over her shoulder. She looks forward and then flops back, her hair a mess on his bed just below his pillow. The bed shifts under her squirming.

“Jester.” He says not looking up, there is a warmth in his voice that he wasn’t expecting.

“Yes?” She responds, painfully sweet. She rolls onto her side and Caleb looks up to the ceiling, sighing. She lets out a small giggle. He rolls his eyes a smile now present on his face and he goes back to his book.

She squirms a bit more, shifting herself up to right next to him. She is looking over his shoulder, nearly leaning into him. The smell of lavender is going to be stuck in his nose for the next few hours if she gets any closer.

As if reading his mind she shifts to right next to him and carefully leans her head on his shoulder. Almost on instinct, he leans his head on hers and shifts so she can get comfortable. 

“I am trying to read,” Caleb responds after he realizes what is happening. 

“I know and so am I,” He doesn’t look at her but he can hear the smile in her words.

“It's in Zeminian.” He flips the page after he has read it 3 times over. She goes to the top of the next page scanning for words she knows. “I also am quite a fast reader.”

“Well, I know a few words and it doesn’t seem that you are reading super fast right now,” Jester smiles settling more into his side.

He gives her a look. 

She leans away from him raising her eyebrows at him. “Well  _ Liebe _ is love and  _ Scheisse  _ is shit and  _ Nein  _ is no and sometimes you say  _ der Schatz _ when something happens so maybe it means shit also?”

“Hm the last one is a bit off but I will allow it,” he says looking away from her, his cheeks are on fire and a smile on his face.

“What does  _ der Schatz _ mean Caleb?” Jester asks. Caleb doesn’t answer and trains his eyes on the words in front of him. 

“Caleb...” She says after the lack of an answer.

“Hm,” He says attempting to seem distracted.

“ _ der Schatz _ ” The accent is awful and it is hardly recognizable but it makes Caleb suck in a breath. His face grows hotter.

“Your accent was a little off blueberry,” He responds, not looking up and finding himself boring holes into the book that he suddenly cannot focus on again. 

Jester has this strange effect on people that causes them to trip over words and get incredibly flustered around her. Caleb cannot figure out what it is but Fjord gets this way around her and so does Beau, the more he thinks about it. She has each and every one of them wound so tight around her beautiful blue finger, without even knowing it. She could bat her eyes and give each and every one of them a smile and they would be under her spell.

She is able to charm people without even saying a word.

For someone that attempts to keep a distance from others, to keep them safe, it is very infuriating.

“Read it to me?” She looks up at him with her violet eyes, wide and impossibly soft.

“You want me to translate this book while reading it,” He asks.

“No, Gods Caleb, read it to me in Zeminian.” She has looked away from him now and Caleb just looks at her. His heart twists painfully in his chest and he lets out a breath. 

“Has anyone ever told you, you are extremely relentless when it comes to getting things you want?” He forces himself to look away from her. 

“It has been mentioned,” She smiles at him and settles into his pillows, pulling her knees up close and leaning her head on his shoulder.

And so he reads to her. Reads until his voice is sore and his throat is scratchy. The book isn’t all that good but it is a solid romance novel. It’s about a woman, rushing off to fight in a war that she doesn’t need to fight in. She is wedded to a man back home, since before she can remember, but on the battlefield, she meets a man, able to do magic and she is entranced. He had a knack for water and cold spells and she was a soft pink pastel tiefling, black eyes, and a soft smile. 

“-and she looks at the man who has learned to so deeply care for over the last few months.

‘Adle, please don’t... please don’t leave.” Her voice is-” Caleb voice breaks. He has to cough to clear his throat.

“You switched to Common...” Jester said, leaning on his shoulder fiddling with a small corner of Caleb’s jacket. Her voice ever so slightly lacing with sleep. 

“I figured that you would like to understand what is happening,” his breath quickening as he looks down at her. Jester lets out a small sound of agreement.

“I guess,” She looks up at him letting go of the corner of his jacket. 

For just a moment they just look at one another. Hearts pounding.

“Would you like me to continue?” Caleb asked, his voice hoarse and low. His eyes flicked down to her lips just for a moment. 

Jester shifts just a bit and slowly leans into Caleb, eyes lidded. “Maybe in just a moment.”

With Jester, this close Caleb can count nearly every one of her wonderful freckles that dot her nose and cheeks. He each and every eyelash that is splayed on her cheeks. His heartbeat is in his ears as he leans in. Jester's eyes flutter closed.

Their noses touch and for a very brief moment Caleb catches himself thinking about Astrid and then any thought of her has disappeared. Jester shifts her head and brushes her lips on his and-

“Hey, Caleb-” Beau says opening the door. 

Both heads snap back forward and Caleb’s face is on fire. He stares at the book that is on his lap. 

_ Don’t you fucking dare look over. _ A voice tells Caleb in the back of his head. He has to though, just to snag a glance. 

“-that's why I think that I might be...” Beau’s voice trails off and takes a look at the two of them. Her eyebrows knit together. “Is everything okay?”

Jester is the one who speaks. “Yeah of course Beau,” She lets out a light laugh. 

“It doesn’t seem like it. Did I-” Caleb allows himself a small peak at Jester. Her face is very flushed and she keeps blinking.

“No nothing was happening, Caleb was just being a gentleman and reading me a Zeminian book.”

“Ja.”

Beau looks at the two of them eyeing the distance, or lack thereof, between them. Caleb sits up and Jester pulls away from him as well.

“Well, I guess I should be leaving, I am getting a bit tired, Thank you for reading that book to me Caleb.” He looks over to Jester and she shoots him a smile. His heart twists horribly in his chest and he looks down at his hands.

“Ja, no big deal...” Caleb doesn't look up from his hands. He pulls at the edges of his sleeves

“Let's go, Beau,” Jester says turning to Beau, a smile spread across her face.

“Wait I need to talk to Caleb and then you guys can go back to your  _ book _ ,” Beau said smirking at Jester. 

“We were reading Beau-” Jester starts, her voice sounding bored.

“Hey I don’t judge if that is what you call it, but most people say you two were fucking.” Beau’s smirk widens and Caleb’s head shot up. 

“Beau, we were not.”

“Yeah we were just reading a very lame romance novel”

Beau holds her hands up in front of her. “Well, when I walked in it looked like you guys were caught doing something you know you shouldn’t have. That's all I am saying.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for Reading!!


End file.
